I’m Already Worried About My Children.

I often make rather bold and flippant remarks such as “My Daughter isn’t kissing a guy until she’s 30” , “If my son disrespects me he’s going to boarding school” or “My children won’t be touching technology until they aren’t children anymore”. Obviously this is mostly tongue-in-cheek but there is always a bit of truth in what I say when I make jokes. Allow me to elaborate…

For starters, I don’t know what the future holds and, quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to know as that would be boring. But, if I am blessed enough to fall in love with a handsome, kind (and preferably German!!) man and have children; at my young age I already have my fair share of concerns. Initially, how do I even know if I am going to be able to afford to have kids. Our world is becoming more and more expensive everyday. I have friends which claim to want 4 or 5 children, fine, each to their own, but seriously how are you going to afford to feed, clothe, educate, treat and provide for that many! Unless you’re verging on millionaire status, by the time any of us are ready to have kids, a comfortable life will be very difficult to have. It also shocks me that we seem to be so set on what we want and how many we want at our age. How on earth can I know NOW what I will want in my middle to late twenties? Makes no logical sense. But of coarse we should all have goals.

Okay, so, back to my worries…. Growing up I was full of imagination. I loved colouring books and teddy bears and could make a good prop and story out of just about any material presented to me. I hate to say this, but, imagination and creativity in children is verging on extinction. I see 10 year olds owning every game console on the market. Kids half my age posting gang signs on Instagram. For goodness sake, the other day at the airport this little boy kept wailing and crying because his phone kept losing signal and he couldn’t play his game! What kind of parents are we becoming!? I don’t know about some people, but I want my daughter to drag me off the sofa to play tea time with her dolls. I want my son to ask me for help fighting off the monster under his bed. I want to look out the window and see my children rolling around, exploring, being active, talking to themselves. Let’s face it, the only people deemed as “normal” for that sort of thing are children. When push comes to shove, I want my kids far away from the mainstream for as long as possible- life is so much better that way. What is it they say? Ignorance is bliss… Oh! Absolutely! Some of the most hurtful things I’ve ever had said about me have been seen or heard via the Internet or a phone. Some of the most hurtful things I have ever said have been done through the metaphorical handcuff of my handheld device. I used to be a nice girl before social media set unrealistic expectations for myself and the rest of world. Honest.

Another thing I don’t understand is how foul mouthed the young are becoming. Yes I get it, we can’t protect them forever, but there are girls as young as 3/4 who know what twerking is or want to be “fucked right”. If you thought it couldn’t get any worse, think again my friends, little girls are growing up thinking their sexualisation is normal! If I saw my 3 year old dancing like Miley or talking like a Kardashian I honestly would think that I had just failed as a parent. Little ones should be looking up to Cinderella and The Cat in the Hat. Not half naked, uneducated women who are riding the patriarchal wave. Oh and…. If you’re son is 6 years old; please don’t buy him GTA. It’s all guns, prostitutes and “Money Money Money”. We grow up to be materialistic, sexist and racist anyway, I beg you stop speeding up that process! Here’s a thought… Buy them the Harry Potter books.

Ultimately the worst thing about all this is there is only so much protecting a parent can really do. My mother always tells me that one of the most difficult things a parent has to learn is that they have to “grow with their child”. As much as I won’t want my daughter falling in love at a young age, it is bound to happen. And when it does, I will be there to hold her when she cries, give her advice and let her know that no matter what she does, mummy will be there for her. I won’t want my son to be a player, but I will be polite to every girl he brings home and make sure everything is safe…. If you get what I mean.

 I cannot even imagine how tiring, stressful and frightening parenthood will be but I know that this much is true; if I am half the parent that mine were to me than my kids should turn out alright.

Memories Of My Grandma

Alzheimer’s disease; virtually unknown to me until about 5 years ago. I still remember the day that worry sparked on the last day I ever saw my grandmother drive her car to visit us. As usual, it was a wonderful day and she left as normal to drive home. All would still be normal if she hadn’t come back, declaring that she couldn’t get home, she didn’t know the way. This came as a shock to my parents and to myself. I was sat at the top of the stairs, very confused, watching my mother leave to help her. From that day onwards, things changed but the memories I’ve held of her will always stay with me. Wether or not she would remember them herself, I know in my head and in my heart that I shared some brilliant moments with her.

Memories from my childhood

“You look so much like how Rosemary did when she was young.” A line often thrown at me during any family event. It is one I take as a compliment, Grandma was beautiful. She had lovely strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. I always felt that her eyes shone in a way that seemed as though she understood me. As though she could comfort anybody with just one look. She laughed (and still does) at the most inappropriate of times; something which my farther definitely had passed down to him!

My oldest and most fondest memory of her when I was a child was feeding the ducks. It became a tradition of ours. Rain or shine, whenever I’d visit, I would run to the kitchen to make sure the bag of bread had already been cut into small pieces. Obviously, I ate more of the it than the poor ducks! The park in Enfield which we would go to was a nice little place, I remember how we would stand on the bridge for hours feeding the ducks, naming them, trying to aim for those who didn’t appear to be getting as much as their friends. But it wasn’t just the ducks that made visiting the park so much fun. My grandma was always an active woman, she would kick a ball with me, run across the road as if she owned the place and always had a great story behind just about everything. 

A memory which I myself cannot recal but my Grandma still can was when I stayed with her for a few weeks when I was tiny tiny tiny. My mother had an ofsted inspection which obviously at my tender age, I was unable to help her as her partner in crime. Apparently, when I went home again my grandma was overwhelmed by loneliness and she missed even the site my toys scattered around her house. Hearing about that still makes me weak inside …. Anyway! The bit that always makes Grandma giggle upon recollection is that during that time, she had a funeral to attend. She couldn’t leave me at home by myself and she didn’t want to miss it. So I went with her, in my little pram and was as good as gold! Looking back, I’m glad that I was! This is something she remembers quite clearly of me so Thank goodness I behaved.

As I slowly grew a little bit older, my world expand beyond school, home and parks. One thing we loved to do was go to the theatre to watch musicals, shows and even some funky and strange dance performances. We would always go to lunch somewhere fabulous beforehand and conversation was always well stimulated. One place I remember well was a little French restaurant in central London which was supposedly Kylie Minogues favourite place. Grandma would always get the sea bass or the chicken from there. She really liked it. The best part of those days would be casually looking across during the show to see her fast asleep! It would be so cute, she would suddenly wake up, a little confused, look around to make sure we hadn’t noticed and carry on watching the show. We make harmless jokes as a family about it: she’s been to see the play War Horse about 4 or 5 times and states that every time she goes they add something new- although we say she just falls asleep during different parts of it!

Memories from my taste buds

She was the most incredible hostess. You could not fault her. I would love to waltz into her flat and be welcomed by the smell of a good, well prepared roast! Of coarse when we were there she would always pull out her finest efforts. Her baked potatoes were like little golden balls of sunlight, her meat was always succulent and would melt in your mouth. Just typing this now makes me miss her old self… Not because I miss the food, but because I miss the satisfied look on her face when we would applaud her meals. Her illness really has taken away her most incredible assets.

When it comes to an omelette, my grandma certainly set the standard high! She had a special frying pan to make them in which she would never wash (according to her, that was the secret ingredient). Honestly, they were the best! Nothing could compare! One of her omelettes and slice of toast with butter; the definitive taste of my childhood. 

Things She Always Says and Remembers Now

• “My father always told me that it was easier to spend than to save”

• The fact that she used to work for a wine merchant in London

• Being told by her doctor that she wasn’t to drive anymore

• That she went to a convent and that everything is so different now

• “I was caught speeding only once, maybe twice, maybe”

• “Oh dear **laughs** you can’t take me anywhere can you!”

• The exact address of where she lived growing up and how their house once got bombed in the war

Just SOME of My Top Quotes from Films and TV shows…

• “If you’re good at something, never do it for free” – The Joker (The Dark Knight)

• “No one asked your opinion. You filthy little mudblood” – Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

• “All problems are boring, until they’re your own” – Red (Orange is The New Black)

• “I’m Chuck Bass” – Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl)

• “I rejected your first three marriage proposals not because I didn’t love, but because I couldn’t bare the thought of a royal life. But then, I thought, he stammers so beautifully… They’ll leave us alone” – Elizabeth (The Kings Speech

• “People shouldn’t do something out of obligation. Do it because you want to” – Stella (Orange is the new Black)

• “I am, and always will be, the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes. The dreamer of Impossible dreams” – The Doctor (Doctor Who)

• “You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake. I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far.” – Gwendolyn (The Importance of Being Earnest)

• “I was married. My husband cheated on me left and right. One day he tells me it’s my fault he saw other women. So I picked up a knife, and told him it was his fault I was stabbing him.” – (Living Out Loud)

• “Now you’re looking for the secret, but you won’t find it, because of course you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to know. You want to be fooled.”  -(The Prestige)

• “First divorce: wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn’t let you get married when you’re that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada’s fault.” -Ross (Friends)